Since being signed to Creative & Dreams, I’ve had to force myself to see “Erisa Rei” in a different light. For the most part, it is easy for me to leave the house with no make up on, and hair merely brushed, maybe in a ponytail. If I could get away with wearing flannel pajamas all day, I would. (Sometimes I do. Shhh…) I also would continue to not really see myself as something unique and “special”, kind of fudging my way through my music gigs, not really practicing my songs, and playing for free. But things have changed…
Since being signed, I’ve had to write better songs, put in more practice time, put on make up and straighten my hair, book gigs that pay, and try to make my style of guitar playing work. I’ve done some of these things on my own volition and some at the gentle prodding of the label. But all-in-all, it has forced me to look at myself as something worth the time and investment.
When I first started, in 2007, I only played out a few times a year. I was too afraid and too naïve to do anything, but hope for something to happen. I had absolutely no self-confidence and hated to put myself in the spotlight. I still struggle with the thought that people actually want to hear me play, but now I can push through it. I can be shy until I am comfortable, and then I am witty and vivacious. The warm-up time to get there is faster now than it used to be. This also has to do with how much I have changed in my self-perception.
I am inherently lazy, but these problems had more to do with the fact that I didn’t really see myself or my talent as anything of great value. Sure, I knew that I could sing well and could write a decent song. But I really had no idea of my potential, although I had heard that word so many times in my life that it made me want to scream. After all, what is potential worth without some measure of achievement? Being signed to Creative & Dreams in October forced me to look in the mirror when I was afraid to. And, (dang my sensitive soul,) it was really hard. I was reeling there for awhile. My goals up to that time were to chart on roots and Americana radio, do more gigs and then maybe, if I was lucky, get signed. When in one year all of that happened, I was a bit overwhelmed and couldn’t seem to anchor my feelings. Pretty much? I freaked out.
Now it is 2013. I thought that my music journey would be over at the beginning of the year, but now my music has new life breathed into it. I need to make new music goals- holy crap!!! With the help of wonderful people, I have fulfilled most of my previous ones. It is surreal. It really is.
One of my favorite quotes, (funnily enough from the Disney movie, “Mulan”,) really strikes me as true for my life. I’ve had some really hard knocks, partly from my own mistakes, partly from other people.
“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.”
It may seem that I am being a bit vain to say that about myself. However, considering all I’ve been through and how little I thought of myself, I really don’t think that it is. I can only hope that my story of perseverance to pursue what I love to do in the face of hatred, lies and control can encourage someone else to keep at what they dream about. If I can give you anything, it is this: Don’t let other people put you down just so that they feel bigger and can exert their control over you. See your potential and make small, attainable goals to reach. Success and people believing in you is one of the biggest confidence boosters that you need to fulfill your dreams. (Sorry for the BOLD font- wordpress is being buggy.)
I am thankful for the people that have always been there to encourage me even when things didn’t look so hot and I was like a dog licking my wounds. I’m thankful for those that are warming up to me again. Wounded dogs do heal. 🙂
Lastly, today I am going to be recording footage for the farm and family video! I’ll have that up sometime this week.