I wrote “Black Ball” a year after leaving the third church where I was ostracized by the majority of the congregation. I had 4 friends left afterwards out of hundreds of people. That’s not worth talking about too much, as the reasons were because I asked uncomfortable questions and those questions weren’t acceptable to the leadership. Side note: Anytime church leadership tells you to not question them about anything, RUN! Run like Hades. It has happened to E and me three times out of the 5 different churches I attended. Maybe I just have bad luck or maybe I just was attracted to that from whence I came, but now you kinda know why I won’t join a church anytime soon.
Anyway, I wrote “Black Ball” because society tends to shirk away from things that they don’t understand or “get”. They also tend to believe the first thing that they hear, especially if it is the “loudest” voice, as in social standing. So, if the “loudest” voice tells them to stay away, they do. I feel sorry for them, because not being able to ask questions and doing/believing anything someone tells you means you are brainwashed. Sheep to slaughter. Baa.
Like I stated in my last blog, it is rare for one of my songs to be about one circumstance only. “Black Ball” was written about my own personal observations from the three churches, as well as other people’s. The first verse dwells on what happens and how one feels being rejected like that. “I watch the black ball as it bounces/Out from the eye of your icy stare…” The second verse was a completely different situation where someone actually said to me that it was too bad the way that I was treated at previous churches. (Meaning being bully-pulpited/yelled at publicly…) Yet there was no reaching out beyond them saying that and coincidentally within the next hour this same person yelled at me and belittled me publicly. (To reinstate my belief that church nowadays is messed up, this person was leadership in a local church also.) “Still you turn your back full to me/And marble shoot down my good name”
The chorus is pretty much my way of saying… “You have rejected me, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. Black ball me all you want.” AKA “Keep rolling black ball….past all the shame.”
Verse three just solidifies this feeling. The intent of black balling someone is meant to shame, hurt and malign, oftentimes under the mask of love and messed-up morality. I’m a strong person, so the levels at which I was brow-beaten didn’t stop me from continuing to be myself. In actuality, if you pick yourself back up, you stand up stronger from the circumstance- the same you, but a better version. That’s basically what I did, (and what I’ve seen others do.) “I’m only rejected if I feel it/I’m only outcast in your mind/So I throw my smile straight at you/Shoulders back and head held high”. For some reason some people think that if they reject you and try to make you completely alone, then you are alone and their strange form of punishment has taught you a lesson. True, you have less people around you than you used to, but the world is full of BILLIONS of people. There are new people to meet, befriend, and love. Once that concept was grasped in my mind, I was on the way to recovery.
In life there will be people who don’t like you, want to be around you, and even go out of their way/make it their way to make you miserable. Does it sting a bit? Yep. Does it matter in the long run? NOPE. Should it stop you from doing what is in your heart to do? Not if you dust yourself off and find your peace in the midst of the storm. That’s what I finally did. I hope that you can take what I wrote and apply it to any situation where you’ve been bullied or ostracized. It hurts, but there is so much hope. 🙂