Sometimes I like change. I like the idea of changing into a better human being. I like the type of change that makes people happy. Ultimately, I even like the change that is hard, because it changes me into a better human being, if I let it.
There are times that I don’t like change though. I don’t like it when I have to change my path because people didn’t do what they promised they would. I don’t like it when too much change comes at once. I don’t like the change that comes with new situations, at least at first.
This year so far has been full of internal ebb and flow for me. Maybe this will always be the case in small amounts, but this year it has been very strong. I’ve had to do a lot of prayer for clarity, as well as strength.
I hate it when I take steps in one direction, only to discover that they were missteps and have to backtrack. I’m sure that this is just the normal process of any artist, but I find it brings a little too much tension for my comfort. That’s when I have to stop for awhile, reconsider, and then try to take a step again.
Thankfully, the steps taken and prayer time I’ve put into my internal struggle this year, has proven to be fruitful. In order to get this, I had to strip some illusions away. I had to give up on some ideas that I had concerning my music. I have a direction, and I am close to being solidified in my purpose again. There are some details that are blurry, but at least the next 4-5 months are set in place.
Plans are made, and daily goals are being met. And the future is again more eternally-focused on people and what God’s purpose is for me. I don’t want to wax hyper-spiritual, but He’s the one who told me to do this when I was in my early 20’s. People don’t understand the steps I’ve taken to do what He wants, but at least I know that I’ve made God pleased by obeying Him.
One change is that my daughters and I have started a brain-child that I’ve had for a few years now. We’re starting a Christian music collective together called “terce.”. “Terce” is the third hour of prayer in Christian liturgy that contemplates on the Psalms. I’ve tried starting it a few times, but it became apparent each time that the timing was wrong. This time, things feel better, and we’re taking it slowly. We have no goal in mind, at the moment, except to sing to people and enjoy ourselves, as well as develop more into what “terce.” is supposed to be. terce. Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/terce.music/
I had contemplated switching back to Christian music again, under “Erisa Rei”, but decided that wasn’t the right way to go. I feel to continue the path I’m on with it. Some of my newest songs are my best, I believe. This past year, with doing well going through a few audition levels on a nationally syndicated TV talent show, as well as winning a few national songwriting nods, my self-confidence has really grown. These have all been good changes for me. Erisa Rei Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/erisareimusic/
I have a few more changes to make, like losing weight, and making some changes in the business side of the music. However, I figure that by the end of the year, I’m going to be on a really great path. Life is already 100x better than it was in 2014, when I was going through a really hard, dark place emotionally. Things are on the up-and-up! Reality can make you give up or get up and change.
I’ve always been about change, no matter how difficult it is.